Moby Dick's Tales: Not Birds and Bees
by Freefan1412
Summary: Slight AU. The fun part had passed. Very fast. Very. Fun had stopped the moment that...


It had been just a normal day on open sea. Truly, there had been nothing remarkable about the day. Not the weather (which had changed from misty to stormy to sunny), not the people (Ace hadn't done an assassination attempt in half a year), not the world (it was still spinning, the sun was still moving, the oceans hadn't dried up).

Then Luffy asked the question.

Within the span of a second Ace turned very, very white.

In the same amount of time Sabo turned very, very pale.

Thatch, half panicked, started searching for a club.

* * *

"Oyaji!" The yell was a curious mix of terrified and panicked from a single well known individual and it screeched all over the ship.

It was very alarming; the lower decks, right to down to the kitchens, collectively jumped (choked on their own spit, stabbed themselves or each other) and took up arms for all-out war not a second later.

In record speed (even leaving his not-so-long-ago assassin days in the dust) Ace stood before the large man, who himself was mildly startled.

The surprise furthered at the very strange red coloring Ace's face. "Help! We need a bee fruit! Or a bird fruit! Anything! Anything remotely like it!"

Before Whitebeard could ask anything at all, Sabo was there. (Where had he come from?) "Wait! Wait! Wait. Wait, Ace. Let' think rationally," the blond said, sounding equally panicked but a lot more in control. "_Calm_. We have ta be calm. Delicate matter! What if he isn't about tha' time Dadan was starting on tha' silly somethin' of hers. It honey or somethin'! It's gotta be tha'! It's tha'!"

While Ace argued back that it was _better save than sorry_, a crash and angry protest sounded for the far back of the ship. Dust of destruction drifted over in the wind. Luffy burst out of it, stumbling and quickly taking off into a run again. Thatch followed after, a very solid looking club in his hands (was that a piece of the railing?), with which he went after Luffy.

Things had just gotten lots more bizarre, the crew thought, and they figured no-one had declared war on them after all.

"Help me, Sabo! Thatch is being mean!"

But the blond brother only took the younger by the shoulders, shaking him and looking very intently. "Forget tha, Luffy! It's unimportant. Boring. Who cares about … Forget tha' … wait… where did tha question come from anyway?"

Ace paused in his renewed and increasingly angry (desperate) for _somebody to damn do something_ _with bees and _honey_ and food. Anything!_

Thatch paused in the middle of aiming at the back of Luffy's head.

Luffy blinked (_innocently_ and it was gonna _stay_ that way, goddamn it!). "I saw bees in the city and Dadan talked about bees and… flowers?"

The deck under Ace's feet started smoldering. The utter mortification on his face the only reason it was only that.

Sabo got stiffer than a board, his mouth working soundlessly (horrified, helplessly), before it snapped shut with resounding force shut. In the same move he turned Luffy so the younger's back was turned to Thatch.

Thatch (recovered from his half shock) struck.

Luffy crumbled to a heap on the floor.

Sabo and Thatch breathed a sigh of relief.

"Think he forgot about that stupid explanation and subject now?" Thatch wondered in the dead silence, sounding worried (for all the wrong reasons).

Ace looked ready to do bloody harm to (a now specific) someone in the most humiliating manner.

"Understand now, Oyaji? We really need bird fruit or a bee nest or anything remotely interesting like that."

"Damn fuckin' straight," Sabo muttered under his breath at the same time that Whitebeard replied, "No, not at all."

It was to all very clear an _important_ fact was being missed here. A thing important enough that violence needed to be taken to _Luffy_.

"How can you not! Oyaji!" It was further alarming (how much more could it get? The situation already was so damn _weird_) that Ace had switched to an accusing pleading.

"Explain to me and maybe I will understand, son. I'm sure we all want to know what forced you to attack your brother."

"He used _the_ term."

"Tha term shouldn't know 'cause we took out Dadan _first_! Luffy was ta young!"

"Still is too young! He is only what? Thirteen?" Fifteen actually and a half, but no one bothered to mention it.

"What exactly are we talking about here?" Whitebeard leaned forward in interest. The crew (still up in arms) did too, mourning the fact that there was not enough time to make bets (because it surely would be worth it).

The two brothers, meanwhile, fell like sugar in the rain at the question, looking pathetically like the world was about to end. "Birds and bees."

* * *

This is part of my Moby Dick's Tales series, as always with slight AU setting.

I have to thank Otaku-TACO for this as well as it is a side result of the prompt sent to me. :) In case you didn't figure it out, this is a companion piece to Moby Dick's Tales: The Question and happens about two year before it.

Please leave a comment.


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